Narcissists And WomenSam Vaknin Question: Do narcissists hate women Answer: Narcissists abhor and dread getting emotionally intimate and they regard sex as a maintenance chore, something they have to do in order to keep their source of secondary supply. Moreover, many narcissists tend to engage in FRUSTRATING behaviours towards women. They will refrain from having sex with them, tease them and then leave them, resist flirtatious and seductive behaviours and so on. Often, they will invoke the existence of a girlfriend/fiancée/spouse or boyfriend/etc. - male and female are interchangeable in my texts as the "reason" why they cannot have sex/develop a relationship. But this is not out of loyalty and fidelity in the empathic and loving sense. This is because they wish and often succeed to sadistically frustrate the interested party. BUT This pertains ONLY to cerebral narcissists. NOT to somatic narcissists and HPDs Histrionic Personality Disorder who use their BODY, sex and seduction/flirtation to extract narcissistic supply from others. Narcissists are misogynists. They team up with women as mere sources of SNS secondary narcissistic supply. The womans chores are to accumulate past NS and release it in an orderly manner, so as to regulate the fluctuating flow of primary supply. Otherwise, cerebral narcissists are not interested in women. Most of them myself included are asexual engage in sexual acts very rarely, if at all. They hold women in contempt and abhor the thought of being really intimate with them. Usually, they choose submissive women, well below their level, to perform these functions. This leads to a vicious cycle of neediness, self-contempt how come I need this inferior woman and contempt directed at the woman. Hence the abuse. When primary NS is available - the woman is hardly tolerated, as one would reluctantly pay the premium of an insurance policy in good times. The narcissist does regard the "subjugation" of an attractive woman to be a source of narcissistic supply. It is a status symbol, proof of virility and masculinity and it allows him to engage in "vicarious" narcissistic behaviours =being a narcissist through others, transforming others into tools at the service of his narcissism, into his extensions. This is done by employing defence mechanisms such as projective identification. Many of my FAQs and the essay are dedicated to these issues see: "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited". To re-iterate, Primary Narcissistic Supply NS is ANY kind of NS provided by others who are not "meaningful" or "significant" others. Adulation, attention, affirmation, fame, notoriety, sexual conquests - are all forms of NS. Secondary NS is afforded by people who are in CONSTANT, repetitive or continuous touch with the narcissist. It includes the important roles of narcissistic accumulation and narcissistic regulation, among others. See the essay in "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" for more. The narcissist believes that being in love IS going through the motions and pretending to some degree. To him, emotions are mimicry and pretence. He says: "I am a conscious misogynist. I fear and loathe women and tend to ignore them to the best of my ability. To me they are a mixture of hunter and parasite." Most male Narcissists are misogynists. After all, they are the warped creation of a woman. A woman gave birth to them and moulded them into what they are: dysfunctional, maladaptive, emotionally dead. They are angry at this woman and, by implication, mad at all women. The narcissists attitude to women is, naturally, complex and multi-layered but it can be rather amply summarized using four axes: 1. The Holy Whore 2. The Hunter Parasite 3. The Frustrating Object of Desire 4. Uniqueness roles The narcissist divides all women to saints on the one hand and to whores on the other. He finds it difficult to have sex "dirty", "forbidden", "punishable", "degrading" with feminine significant others spouse, intimate girlfriend. To him, sex and intimacy are opp |
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